we have officially lost it.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
