She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
