first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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