Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
