My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
