Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
