Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
