everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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