did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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