i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize