All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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