And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
