i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
