Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
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