he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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