I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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