So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
