my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
