If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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