I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
