He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
