Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
