Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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