I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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