I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
