hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just threw up on my dentist
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
