i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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