Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
