Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
