everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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