I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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