Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
