youre lurking in front of me
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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