New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
