I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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