guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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