Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
