bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
