Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
don't judge my taste in strippers
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
