I'm so fucking centered right now
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
