I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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