having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
