Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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