Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
It was confusing and full of hummus
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize