is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
