found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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