I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
