saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
