I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
