Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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