omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
