don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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