New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize