It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
