i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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