At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
