bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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