You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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