I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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