I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
