My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
