Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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