There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
they need to just BURY HIM!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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