If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
