Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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