When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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