dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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