Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
