I love black thongs
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
