so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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