So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
