i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
