Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
