I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
