He told me they were just razor bumps!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
