just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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