Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
