mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
