So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
