wat bout pragnant strippers??
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
