he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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