she peed on how many people?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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