thus making me awesome and them whores
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
