good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
be right there i have to get my cape
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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