I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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