I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
