Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
