i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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