I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
