Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
