Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
