On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
