My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I am one with the molecules
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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