I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
