I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Only a mothe r could love this liver
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
