New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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