We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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