I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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