You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
