Just cropdusted the office
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
