If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
