Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
