I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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