He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
