So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
