If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
